This is so difficult.

I sit on my couch, fingers tracing the keys of my laptop. Twenty minutes pass. The screen remains wordless.

There are no words.

I can’t think of any words.

My heart throbs. My heart cries for all the victims of the horrific Parkland shooting. We spend more time at school than we spend at home. Our peers.... We laugh, and we roll our eyes, and we fight. We hate each other. But god we love each other. We are family. Never again will I take anyone for granted. My faith is in myself and my fellow students. United States government, I’ve not only lost my faith in you, but every ounce of respect. Our representatives seem to have this “That’s just the way it is” mindset...as if it’s just something that happens. Last night I received a text from my 15 year old friend sending me the link to a bulletproof backpack slip. I’m seventeen years old. I can’t even vote yet. I’m seventeen years old and having to decide between protecting my life with a $200 bulletproof lining or saving for college. This. is. Not. O.K. My thirteen year old sister goes to La Cueva. She came home crying today, because she saw a video of a student being hauled out of Albuquerque High School because he had guns. Tonight Rio Rancho High School received a threat. I’m not sure what to do. My body shakes.

I want to study, and eat ice cream, and watch The Office, and pretend this isn’t the world we live in, but it is. And I can’t think of anything to do about it.